My best-friend send me a link to this poem  and I thought it pretty much summed most of my dating story. Very true for most women looking for true love. I saw a tweet earlier when I was browsing my tweeter page. It read "since sex got easier to get, Love got harder to find". I look at today's generation and believe that quote to be true. Its sad the amount of divorce rate these days supersedes the amount of successful marriages. And being part of this generation, I still believe in love and lasting marriages if done the right way. I believe part of the reason is we rush into things because we are afraid to be alone or we think we can't find anyone better. I'm learning to be patient and took a vow today that I will wait for him. I won't rush in fear of being alone and I will do it the right way. It won't be easy but I believe that's what God is trying to tell me. That doesn't mean I will just sit in my apt and wait for him to fall off the sky, I will continue to look for him but this time with the help and guidance from God. Any
way here is the poem ENJOY:

                                   I WILL WAIT FOR YOU by Janette

              So it seemed..that it was cool...for everyone to be in a relationship but me

              So I took matters into my own hands...and ended up with him...  

              Him who displayed the characteristics of a cheater, a liar, an abuser and a thief

              So...why was I surprised when he broke my heart?...

              I called 911, but I was cardiac arrested for aiding and abetting,

              Cause it was ME who let him in...

              Claiming we were "just friends"....

              It was already decided for me by the first date, that even if he wasn't

              I was gonna make him "the one"...

              You know.... I was tired of being alone,

               And I simply made up my mind, that it was about that time,

              so I decided to drag him along for the ride,

              Cause I was always the bridesmaid and not the bride....

              A virgin in the physical, but mentally just a grown woman on the corner in heat!

              who was tired of the wait...

              So I was gonna make him "the One".

              He had a... form of Godliness...but not much...

              But hey, hey, hey I can change him!

              So I'll take him, I mean...he is close enough.

              Ready to sell my aorta for a quarter, not knowing the value of its use to me...

              Arteries so clogged with my will, its blocked his will from flowing through me...

              So, I thank Christ that His blood pressure gave him an attack,

              That flatlined my obscured vision, put me flat on my back.....

              Through my ignorance he saw, through my sternum he saw and cracked open my chest,

              to transplant PSALMS 51:10! A new heart and a renewed right spirit within!

              So now I fully understand, better yet I thoroughly comprehend,

              How much I need to wait, FOR YOU!

             See, the bad thing is that I knew he wasn't you from the beginning..

             Cause in the beginning was the Word, and he didn't even sound or shine like your Son.

             Out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks, 

             and all he could do was whisper sweet, empty nothings- which meant NOTHING

             He couldn't even pray when I needed him to, asking him to fast was absurd,

             So forget about being cleansed  and washed with water through the word....

             But I know YOU, you were already praying for me, even having never met me,

             Let me assure you, I will wait for YOU.

             I will not date, socialize, or communicate  with carbon copies of you

             To appease my boredom or to quench my thirsty desire for attention,

             And short lived compliments from 'sorta kinda'.

             You know....he 'sorta kinda' right, but 'sorta kinda' wrong.

             His first name LUKE, his last name WARM.

             I...I won't settle for false companionship, I won't lay in the embrace  of his arms,

             Attempting to find closeness, But never feelings so far apart cause, I just wanna be held...

            No more 'almost sessions' of 'almost coming  close', Passing winks and buying drinks

            Who flirts with the ideology of 'can u just tell me how much I can get away with this & still be saved'

            No more....I'll stay in my bed...alone and write poems, about how I will wait for you.

            he won't even come close, our fingers wont even interlock, we won't even exchange breaths

            Cause I have thoughts that I have 'saved as' in a file that God has only equipped you to open.

            I will no longer get weighed down, from so called friends and family talks,

            About the concerns of my biological clock, when I serve the author of Time,

            Who is NOT subject to time, but I'm subject to Him,

            He has the ability to STOP, FAST FORWARD, PAUSE or REWIND at any given time

            So if we could role play, You would be Abraham and I would be Sarah,

            Or you could be Isaac and I can be Rebecca - a servant's answered prayer

            I am bone of your bone, flesh of your flesh,made up of your rib Adam!

            And once we met, like electrons, I will be bound to your nucleus, completely invisible atom.

            We even speak the same math: 1+1+1=3, which really equals 1 if you add HIM

            We were all created by his image, But you have the ability to reflect, project, & even detect the Son.

            If I were to explain what you looked like, You would have to look like a star, a sun of the sun.

            I would gain energy simply from the light that you shine on me.

            I would need you in order to complete my photosynthesis,

            I await your revelation, but once again from the genesis, I will wait for YOU!

            And I will know you, because when you speak, i will be reminded of Solomon's Wisdom,

            Your ability to lead will remind me of Moses, Your faith will remind me of Abraham,

             Your confidence in God's word will remind me of Daniel, your inspiration will remind me of Paul,

            Your love for God will remind me of David, your attention to details will remind me of Noah,

           Your integrity will remind me of Joseph, 

            And your ability to abandon your own will remind me of your disciples,

            But your ability to Love selflessly and unconditionally will remind me of CHRIST.

            But I won't need to identify you by any special Mathews or any special Marks,

            Cause His word will be tattooed all over your heart.

            And you will know me and you will find me.

            Where....the boldness of Esther meets the warm closeness of Ruth....

            Where the hospitality of Lydia is aligned with the submission of Mary,

            Which is engulfed in the tears of a praying Hannah.....

             I will be the one, drenched in PROVERBS 31...waiting for You.

             But to my father, who has known me before I was birthed into this earth.

             Only if You should see fit, I desire Your will above mine,

             So even if u call me into the life of singleness, My heart is content with YOU-the one who was sent.

             YOU are the greatest Love story ever told, the greatest love ever known.

             YOU were forever my judge and I'm forever Your witness

             And I pray that I'm always found on a mission about my Father's business.

             I will always be Yours. And I will always wait for You Lord,

            More than the watchmen wait for the morning....I WILL WAIT!

Long but really deep stuff! I will also post a link so u can watch the poem for the poet herself.

       http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZuraJpB0OJg&feature=related   
           
         
           

~Friends~

I haven't blogged in a while and I missed it. A lot has happened since my last blog but I'm glad I'm able to come back to doing this. I recently went on a little vacation with my girls this past weekend and we had a lot of fun together. We had a lot of girl talk about life, jobs, friendships, and of course men. I love when we can get together and talk about anything. I feel so free with these ladies and I definitely know that I can call them my true friends. I am no where near perfect and when you have friends who love you regardless of your imperfections, they really are a blessing from God. This blog is dedicated to these three girls that spend the weekend with me. All the laughs we had and the bonding moments really made the trip worthwhile. We are all different but when we are together, its like we've never been apart. Its hard these days to have true friendships and I'm trully grateful for mine. Here's a little appreciation note for each of them:

Edna -My bestfriend, ride or die, sister, soror, my other half. We compliment each other so well. Whenever I need someone to talk to, I don't even have to question your intentions. I admire your spiritual growth, your outspoken personality. You don't sugarcoat anything. When I'm wrong, you let me know. You put a lot of my perspectives together. I'm so grateful I met you and you turned out to be the best friend I never had. I can't wait to share our future together as we begin the next chapters of our lives. Thank you for being a great friend.

Waithira -My fav cousin, my sister, friend, soror, party mate. You are always free to be around. We always have so much fun together. We are very spontaneous. I admire your bubbly personality, your 'never stay angry' attitude. You are a true leader. You never let anyone get you down. I'm so glad we got to meet. We are family for life and I can't wait to see where life takes you. Looking forward to sharing many more happy moments together. Thank you for being a great friend.

Jasmine - My ace, soror, friend, sister. You are truly an inspiration to me. You are a very smart girl. I'm grateful we were able to cross paths. I admire your independent attitude, your 'I can do it all by myself' Now that I am on my own, I look up to you. We always clicked since our "online days". I feel like you are very easy to talk to. You are very laid back like myself and that is why we get a long so well. I can't wait to share many more memories together. Thank you for being a great friend.

"I do" but at what cost?!

I recently went to a wedding reception of this girl; we both go to the same church. She had a court wedding and had a reception later. I won't go into details of the wedding because I am very embarrassed for her. Not that I am judging, well I'm lying I probably am. Some people would say it doesn't matter how big your wedding is as long as love is there. However, throughout the reception, a saw a few red flags. 1) This girl met the now husband a few months ago, had a wedding set up for later this summer but decided that was too long and opted for the court wedding instead. 2) the husband had no family, friends present at the wedding; the only "friend" that was there was his roommate that he moved in with a few months ago. Now, I don't know the details for their life but why was no one there to support him, not even one family member!!! Anyway, it just left me puzzled as to why a young 22 yr old would rush into marrying this guy she barely knows, with all the red flags flying, just to accomplish her dream of marrying and starting a family young. She has aspirations of going to med school and she may still accomplish them, but in my opinion I don't see it happening. I know she doesn't have a family here and  did not have a solid home, and all this could have influenced her decision. It could even be that she was in love, I don't know.

I know back when I was younger, I had planned to be married by 26 and starting my family. That was back in the day. Now that I am grown, I realize how much my life choices have changed. I still want to get married, have kids and live "happily ever after" but right now I am enjoying being independent, establishing my career, and being emotionally, financially, physically and mentally stable before I can consider marriage life. My grandparents, parents, uncles and aunts all married young but a lot has changed since then. Our generation does not get married until later on in their lives. One thing I still want is to have kids before I'm 30 and for all that know my age would tell me the clock is ticking fast Lol. However, I am in no rush. I want to find the right man first, one who I can see myself with forever, before I even contemplate having kids. I know God has a great plan for me so whenever it starts unfolding, I will eagerly accept it. As for now, I am young and plan on enjoying my life to the fullest.

Burning friendship

Sometimes you have to let go and walk away from those friends that just bring you down and sometimes the friendships just fizzle away. It doesn't mean that you don't care about them, its just how life is.

P.S I think I am able to express my feelings better in pictures.

HOPE

HOPE:


When all about you is black with gloom,
And all you feel is pending doom.
When your bones are racked with grim despair -
When every breath is a gasp for air.
Keep on going, though you need to grope,
For around the bend is a ray of hope.

A ray of hope is perhaps all that's left,
As your will to live has been bereft.
You've lost it all, it's just no use!
You can end it all, you need no excuse.
But throw away that piece of rope,
And give yourself a chance of hope.

Just give yourself another day,
Brushing aside what your thoughts may say.
This is your life and you can make a new start,
By ignoring the brain - just follow the heart.
Taking baby steps in order to cope,
And minute by minute you'll build on your hope.

Build on your hope,. one day at a time,
Though the road be steep and hard to climb.
The hurts of the past - they should be dead.
The fears of the future are all in your head.
Just live in the present and refuse to mope 
Your life will sparkle for you're living in hope.
                                        
                               By Brian Quinn


Everyone needs encouragement sometimes. This is to all of us who could use a little hope with situations in our life. 

Fear of the unknown?!

I try to be very optimistic when it comes to love and finding love but sometimes I just don't know. I look at all my friends and almost all of us have yet to find the one. I wonder if its because of our race or not. I have plenty of  'white friends' that are married, engaged or happily in a relationship. My friends and I were having a very interesting conversation about who we think will be the first to be married. We have no clue since no one has even a potential boyfriend. Its sad actually that we are all college graduates (or about to be), smart, beautiful and have our lives together, yet its so hard to find the right guy. One of my friend is actually trying the online dating thing and it seems to be working out for her.
Don't get me wrong, I am no where near ready to be married. I am just getting my career established and would love to get my life together before I settle down with someone. However, I am not against finding someone and having a relationship. I do have issues of my own though. I just realized that I may have commitment issues. I am a hopeless romantic but afraid to commit. Yea I know It doesn't make sense but I am Simply Complicated. I love LOVE, falling in love, being romantic and all that mushy stuff but when I find a guy who I can be all that with, I freeze, and push them away. I don't get close. I have put my guard up so high and I am afraid to let it go. What do I fear? Being hurt. Why? I don't know. I loved a guy once and he hurt me. I have seen friends go through heartbreak after heartbreak. I do not want that! But does building this wall ultimately save me from hurting?
I am working on trying to change all that. I feel like I will be ready for love, ready to let my guard down after I  work on my trusting issues. I need to believe that not all guys that come to my life will hurt me. I need to be strong enough to risk being hurt if I want to find my Mr. Right one day. I can only pray for strength and guidance. I want to get married and have kids so I will have to get over it I guess. I want my own fairytale, like Cinderella or Sleeping beauty. I need to realize that everyone will cause me pain but I need to know who will be worth it. Once I know, I will find my fairytale and live happily ever after :) <3

All I know is when it comes to love, I am an island of great complexity.

To My Last Fling,

Yours Trully,
Simply Complicated

Love..This is how I feel

Your Attitude Determines How High You Can Fly

Happy New Year!
So I'm sitting on the couch watching the football game (Saints vs Seahawks to be exact), relaxing my feet from a long but good day at work, and my thoughts are just racing. This year is off to a great start. I left one job before the beginning of this year and I am so relieved I did. Lets just say the manager did not know what being professional means! Anyway, on NYE, a couple of my friends and I went to downtown Charlotte at this place called The Suite. It was a great way to relax and enjoy the night. We danced the night away and had lots of fun. I even got myself a number from a guy I will never call Lol but thats a whole other topic. I spend my first Sunday in Church and thats when I realized how blessed I am to be able to see another year. I came to a conclusion that this year I needed to be closer to God more than ever. I need that inner strength, that extra faith that only God can provide. As I am sitting here now, I realize that I am off to a great start. I am talking with God more often, reading my Bible a couple times a day, and practicing God's word through my actions.

Keep reading I'm getting to my point...I was surfing the internet and came across a very strong quote that made me think about life. I usually don't do the whole new year resolution thing but this quote will have to be my resolution for this year. The quote read "Your Attitude Determines How High You Can Fly".

I am going to start applying this quote with everything I do...my career, personal and spiritual journey. Think about it...Attitude means everything. If you walk around depressed, sad or thinking that you can't do something, chances are that you will be miserable but if you are optimistic, happy and positive, chances are your life will always come together. Trust me I'm a realist and I know I cant be happy and successful 100% of the time but I'm willing to overcome my lows with better attitude.

My attitude will determine how high I can fly..the sky is the limit...I foresee big things happening this year for me and I believe that 2011 will be my best year by far. I am starting to enjoy writing and I will post more blogs this year. I hope everyone who gets to read this is going to be blessed in mighty ways. Lets clasp our hands and Fly High!!!

I looked out the class room window

And into the sky

And saw a little bird

Flying high.

Fly high little bird

Fly High

With my hopes and dreams

Flying for eternity with the nigh

Let me spread my wings

Cuz it's up I go

Freedom ringing into my ears

Little Bird I've seen you before

With your grace and beauty

Reaching out for heaven

Only you can see

Taking your secrets of the world

And giving others reason to dream

So Fly High little Bird

Fly High