Don't get me wrong, I am no where near ready to be married. I am just getting my career established and would love to get my life together before I settle down with someone. However, I am not against finding someone and having a relationship. I do have issues of my own though. I just realized that I may have commitment issues. I am a hopeless romantic but afraid to commit. Yea I know It doesn't make sense but I am Simply Complicated. I love LOVE, falling in love, being romantic and all that mushy stuff but when I find a guy who I can be all that with, I freeze, and push them away. I don't get close. I have put my guard up so high and I am afraid to let it go. What do I fear? Being hurt. Why? I don't know. I loved a guy once and he hurt me. I have seen friends go through heartbreak after heartbreak. I do not want that! But does building this wall ultimately save me from hurting?
I am working on trying to change all that. I feel like I will be ready for love, ready to let my guard down after I work on my trusting issues. I need to believe that not all guys that come to my life will hurt me. I need to be strong enough to risk being hurt if I want to find my Mr. Right one day. I can only pray for strength and guidance. I want to get married and have kids so I will have to get over it I guess. I want my own fairytale, like Cinderella or Sleeping beauty. I need to realize that everyone will cause me pain but I need to know who will be worth it. Once I know, I will find my fairytale and live happily ever after :) <3
All I know is when it comes to love, I am an island of great complexity.
It's easy to fall in love. It's harder to stay in love. It's especially hard when you give your heart to someone and they crush it. Even when you do manage to move on to a new relationship, you always have that thought in the back of your mind "I wonder if he'll hurt me just like the last guy." It's a growing process and you have to take it day by day. Guys are jerks and losers, but some are princes. We have to weed through those losers before we can get to our prince. It might not happen as quickly as we'd like, but with there being billions of people on the planet, it's bound to happen eventually. You just have to trust God to guide you in the right direction of your true soul-mate. And also, don't be afraid to get out there. Half of the guys you date you might think they have potential of being "The One" when in reality they are "The One...For Right Now". But if you have fear and timidness and you aren't willing to take chances, you'll never have have the option of seeing if the guy might be "Mr. Right". So keep trying. It's hard being single but I honestly believe everyone in the world has a true soul mate out there waiting for them. You just have to be patient. Who knows, you say you want to get your life together before you settle down. Maybe your Mr. Right feels the same and is doing the same. And once you two get established in your careers an finances, then you'll meet and it will be MAGIC!
ReplyDeleteI love you!
I thank at some point in time you get out of paying all the games and just want something real besides working on your commitment issues you also want to make sure that the guy is right and not like so many guys before. you have grown so much and learned so much that you have greater expectations now so its hard to let anyone in your life when there are uncertainties
ReplyDeleteThanks both of you. Jasmine, I really do hope my Mr. Right is on the way and I am going to try to take chances cause I dont want to miss out on him. Chengetai, you are right most guys are all about games and at this point in life its hard to tell who is serious and who isnt. Uncertainties will always be there but Im hoping there is someone out there who can change that.
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